177. it doesn't have to be forever but it has to be now
Over the last 10 chaotic days since we’ve launched the Too Chill robe and had our first community event in NYC, there’s been little room for relaxation or reflection. Personal issues big and small bubble into my inbox hourly, leaving my head spinning from the good and bad.While my reality looks like overgrown nails, frozen Trader Joe’s meals, and staring at a (brand new because mine broke the day of our launch party 🙃) computer screen flush with asks from school and work, I still feel an inner sense of peace. This is shocking to me, Little Miss Frantic™️, who has won the award for Most Dramatic in multiple camp, school AND work settings.I shared in a few episodes back that adjusting back to the second year of my MBA hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be, with new and old interpersonal dynamics threatening my carefully crafted routines. As I’ve actively stepped into the role of ~entrepreneur~ by joining the Wharton startup accelerator and worked on launching our third Too Collective product, new commitments and sacrifices have me meeting a new version of myself.And it’s uncomfortable. From learning to stand on business and not text an ex back to unexpected brand invoices or receiving difficult business feedback, I’ve been exercising my emotional regulation skills often, with one new insight being the secret weapon to staying afloat.Once the first few minutes of a setback have stung my soul and I might even feel some tears well up, two thoughts automatically sweep in to ease the pain: “everything happens to teach me something,” and “this is temporary.”The Everything Happens For A Reason self-soother has been a constant thanks to my grandmother’s constant repetition of the phrase, but I think I was always afraid to face the “this is temporary.” If everything is temporary, how would I feel stable?Ah ha! I’ve long tried to untangle where my perfectionism comes from and deduced it to some combination of trauma (duh) and my astrology, maybe(?). But it was only recently that I realized why I like the feeling of getting it right so much - it’s safe.I always wanted things to feel stable, but I erroneously extrapolated that that feeling would somehow be there forever if I got it right. The logic went: If I’m perfect, I’ll never have to deal with this uncomfortable emotion again, yay!!Bffr. Pain, sadness, disappointment, and envy are inevitable. Without them, we don’t get to feel pleasure, happiness, surprise, or contentment. These feelings - good and bad - are temporary, whereas the stability I was searching for in hoarding them is actually my own ability to face and conquer them.I think I’m really starting to get what they mean by “enjoy the journey.” Because things don’t have to be permanent to be perfect - or perfect at all, really.I hope this episode resonates with you. Love you longtime, and shop the latest Too Collective drop now.xxAlexisSubscribe to the Too Smart For This Substack: Shop Too Collective, use code PODCAST15 for 15% off: https://toocollective.com/Follow Too Collective on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/toocollecti...Follow Alexis on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/alexisbarbe...Follow Alexis on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@alexisbarber_... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit toocollective.substack.com/subscribe